I’m not a Wallflower, I’m Socially Awkward

So I was talking to a friend recently (actually chatting on a social networking site. Internet has taken over the world) and she asked me asked me a few things.
She’s really popular in her school, and so is clearly a very social person. She also is a bit um…. how do I say in nice words…. a little less intelligent than the average man. So she thinks every homo sapien on this planet loves socializing because she does so. She thought I also love parties which apparently everyone loves, but was surprised to learn that I hate parties and so stating that I’m not a ‘party animal’. The following conversation took place then :
Her : Why do you hate parties? Parties are so much fun!! You meet so many amazing people!
Me : Erm, I’m socially – awkward. I think you get the point now.
Her : Why did you choose to be socially – awkward? That’s no fun!

So she thinks I chose to be socially – awkward which actually isn’t true, or maybe it is. All I know is that if I am told to socialize people, I will choose the easier option to just run away from the place. Anxiety gets the best of me and well, I don’t talk to people a lot. (Friends and family not included obviously) Sometimes I wonder how do I even have friends. I think they talked to me first and then it continued because there is no way I talked first.
Sometimes I guess anxiety isn’t the main reason for my social-awkwardness. I think its because I kind of hate people (please don’t kill me, please don’t. I love the people of the blogging world. I do!!). Its just that people are so judgmental and always poking their unwanted nose in my business and it gets irritating. Also there are weird people roaming around aimlessly and it bugs me. You’ll go and talk to them thinking they are ‘nice people’ and after an hour you are stuck with them and regretting the decision of extending that hand first.

My close friends though find it a bit surprising that I’m so. I’m called the ‘glue that sticks the group together’ and ‘the most sociable person’! -blinks awkwardly- Maybe because once I’m in my comfort zone and I know I have eliminated all the weird people out of my vicinity, I will start talking and then you can’t shut me up if you point a gun at me!! I will talk about almost anything to you if you share the same enthusiasm that I have and also talk back to me.

Then the conversation between my friend and I continued. But I was shocked when she said,
“So basically you are a Wallflower right? That is so cool! OMG!! I saw Perks Of Being A Wallflower, and that was such a fantastic movie! Logan Lerman played the character of a Wallflower right? He was so awesome!! I wish I was a Wallflower as well. My life would be so awesome. Just like Charlie πŸ˜€ ”

How is that she thinks being a wallflower and being socially-awkward is the same? Its not the first time I’ve heard this though. After watching the movie most of the people around me thought this and I cannot tell you how many times some friends of mine have called me a wallflower. And today I will put a stop to this.

So you see? There is a clear difference. I might be socially-awkward and shy, but I definitely don’t go un-noticed at a party. People come towards to me, but I just shoo them away. I don’t talk to a lot of people not because no one talks to me, but actually I don’t want to talk to them because I fear of what they will think about me. I’m not proud of being a socially – awkward person, it isn’t good. But I’ve learnt to embrace it rather than run away from the obvious fact. I’m trying to mend myself because it seems this isn’t good and I get constant shoutings from my mother.

So please, don’t ever get the thought that these two terms are the same. Its kind of weird if you think so. And I’m pretty sure you are not the bad type of weird.

P.S. I have nothing against the movie or the book. I absolutely loved the movie. Infact I still do πŸ˜€

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7 thoughts on “I’m not a Wallflower, I’m Socially Awkward

  1. I’m socially awkward with bucket loads of anxiety too. It gets better. Trust me on this. Someday the anxiety, while not completely gone, will mellow down. You’ll find that socially-awkward can also be crazy cute. I like to think of it as a super power.
    Also, β€œSo basically you are a Wallflower right? That is so cool! OMG!!….I wish I was a Wallflower as well. My life would be so awesome.” That is such an odd thing to say.

    • You are socially awkward too? That is some pretty good encouragement. Thank you πŸ™‚ Even I sometimes think that it could be a super power, as not many people are like us! Everyone around me is like ‘PARTY’ ‘PARTY’ all the time, and my brain is always screaming ‘NOOO’.
      I know right? Its all because of the movie. I think she din’t understand the movie correctly and just saw it because of the hype.

      • I was a Wallflower in my teen years, which I believe has made me somewhat socially awkward.
        Back in my youth, I knew that I had a lot to offer to the World.
        I was smart, ambitious, mature for my age, athletic, and good looking, πŸ™‚ or at least I felt that way. But I wasn’t popular. At academic and extra-curricular events, I was always part of the teams. But at social events and school dances, I was the wallflower. So, to save my pride, I pulled back and acted as if that was the last thing that I cared about.
        And then came my adulthood.
        I wasn’t the most socially adapted person. I hated parties, saw them as business sessions where I was obliged to talk to people. I wasn’t enjoying myself, I was actually feeling tired at the end of such events.
        But, do you know what I have discovered for myself?
        I have discovered that I don’t like to be bored.
        And I have discovered that I don’t have many friends. I have a loving family, but I don’t have friends. And I have discovered that you need friends with whom to run around the world, to climb trees, and to see plays.
        So, I came up with my mature, grown up resolution to get out of my comfort zone, to make the effort to go to parties, to organize parties, to see people….. And oh magic, I did found some friends (not a lot), but never the less, friends who love me for who I am.
        Love to all!!!

  2. There are a lot of us out there. We are called introverts and we have a mutual distaste for small talk, parties and people in general. It’s because we get energy from within, instead of without. It took me a long time to figure it out, but I think you will find a lot of bloggers are like that, and most of us like each other through blogging because we don’t actually have to interact face to face. I think if we did do a face to face we might be okay because the blogging has broken our ice and we know that we at least have things in common before we met.

    • I used to think I was the only person who dislikes socializing because everyone around me is always engaging themselves in small talks and parties. I never came across any introverts and always felt that maybe I’m weird or something. But blogging changed that because as you said, there are a lot of bloggers like us. Interaction is done through the virtual space and somehow that feels more comfortable than interacting face to face. I do agree that a face to face interaction after meeting through blogging would be fine.

      • I think the biggest thing is that we can take it is small doses, but after a party we feel warn down and need some down time to process the information. Reflection and introspection gives us our “energy”.

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