Things No One Should Say To Me Anymore

I think this week’s post’s title is self-explanatory. So I’m gonna skip the general 2 paragraph introduction I always give you. Why waste your time reading that, when you could spend your time productively? ( I know that when you read ‘productively’ you immediately thought of Facebook and Twitter. Yes I’m watching you. -cue evil laugh-)

I don’t know what is with people asking me weird and senseless stuff. Not to mention the nonsensical language that many speak in. Like hello, that is what I do okay?
Anyways, all this really irritates me to the point where I start making plans on how to kill them. To be honest, I get irritated by every little thing. I even get irritated at myself at times.
So today I’ve decided to take a step against this. Now I’ll list what all I have to go through on a regular basis. All the things I’m tired of hearing.

1. “How are you so thin? Give us tips please?”
I’m not so thin also. Have you seen others? As for the tips, if I knew wouldn’t I have already released a book and made millions out of it? If you think I have some sort of healthy lifestyle, then I’m sorry to pop your bubble *eats a Pringle* The only tip I can give you, is keep eating. Food is life. You shouldn’t ignore food.

2. “You are a foodie? What? How is it that you eat so much, but end up being so thin?”
You see, I’m blessed with something called a “high metabolism”. Just rub a lamp and ask the genie that comes out to bless you with a high metabolism too, okay? How much ever I eat, it doesn’t affect me. I sometimes feel that the more I eat, the more weight I lose! So now, why will I not take advantage of this and eat my heart out? Do I look like some sort of a fool to you? I’d be a fool if I wasn’t eating when I’m hungry. And I’m always hungry. ALWAYS.

3. “Why do you eat all unhealthy things? All the sweets, and junk food too! Do you not care about your health?”
Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t know that you only eat healthy food. Wait, you don’t? Then why you asking me huh? I’m actually advised my doctor to eat unhealthy food so that it’ll help me gain weight. I’m doing something good. So stop judging me and passing me comments you idiots.
Now,

I realize that there are two GIFS of Jennifer Lawrence here. But what to do, she understands my food situation  more than anyone out there. An amazing celebrity gets me. Now why will I not tell you that?

4. “What is your favourite food?”
How dare you ask me this question? How can you possibly ask me to choose? Food is food. You can’t command me. You can’t do that to me. And besides, what are you going to gain by knowing this huh?

5. “Why are you so short?”
I’m short because I gifted my height to you, so that you can become tall. I’m doing a good deed, so shut up and thank me now.
And also, being short has its advantages. I like being short. Wait a minute, there are people who are shorter than me! So are you telling me you waste spend your time by asking this question to every short person who crosses your path? Nice hobby I must admit.

Now you understand right?

6. “You’re  a nerd right? How lucky. You don’t have to study!”
Wow, what a nice logic. You surely have a brilliant brain. I wonder why you don’t get good grades….
Oh I know, it’s because you actually are plain stupid. You thought I was complimenting you? Another fact that proves you’re stupid. We nerds have to study more, because we have a reputation to keep up. Did that make sense to you now?

This how I react inside when such a question is asked.
I think I speak for all the nerds out there, here.

7. All the ‘cool’ words used while speaking. Meaning, all the “YOLO”s and “SWAG”s
I don’t know who created these words, but I think that is good because that person would probably be dead right now. Can you believe it? It’s 2014, and there are people who STILL say ‘YOLO’ for everything and anything. Have you sold your brain to someone, or is it on a permanent hiatus? If you think this makes you cool, then you have a bunch of ice-cubes for a brain. I’m so sorry to break this news to you.
Now stop using these words, please! Have some mercy on us!

Yes please!

8. “How many books have you read?” And all the other book-related questions.
Yes I’m a bookworm, but I’m a disgrace to all the bookworms out there because I haven’t read a lot of books. I have my reasons for that. But YOU can’t ask me such questions and make me feel bad okay? And how many ever books I’ve read, I don’t think I need to tell you. Why do I need to answer you? Do you really think I’m gonna answer these questions that you ask almost everyone? Have you ever even read a book in the first place?

9. “Why do you love certain celebrities so much? Why do you follow so many shows and fandoms?”
Remind me the next time I start following a celebrity to ask you for permission okay? Oh wait, I don’t need your permission. So then why does it bother you? The entertainment world entertains me more than your non-sense does. Now, doesn’t that make sense?

10. “What social networking sites are you on?”
Why do you want to know? So that you can annoy me there also? If I haven’t told you already, then it means I don’t want you to know. Why is it so hard to understand such simple things? Why?

So there you go. This is my list. I think there are more, but I can’t seem to recollect anymore at the moment. And now I realize that most of this is related to food. Well, that’s me.
Now it’s your turn. What are some of the things that annoy you the most?

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4 thoughts on “Things No One Should Say To Me Anymore

  1. YOLO, gaah! I hate that one so much. One guy in my office has that written up on his white board along with another equally sad phrase. It takes everything I have to not go there and erase it.

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