My existence on this blog till now is far longer than I had expected it to be. When I published my first post, I said to myself that if I stayed on this blog for even a month then that would be my greatest accomplishment ever. I said that because I thought I’d get bored of this or maybe I’d just give up.
But I’ve been here for I think around 9 – 10 months and that shocks me. It’s a good shock I’ll say because I haven’t regretted starting a blog and staying on it ever. It’s one of my best decisions and I’m so happy I decided to stay for so long!
So now to celebrate this moment of happiness, I’ve decided that it’s time I let you guys in on a secret of mine. After all, you’ve tolerated me for a while now so maybe I owe this to you. Well, there aren’t many of you but I guess it’s okay for me to think that there are a few right? Right?
Now what I am going to confess to you is something that I’m sure you’re not going to like. If you choose to never read my blog again or start thinking differently of me, then I totally understand.
This ‘thing’ of mine started a few years back. Or at least, that’s when I realized that I do this. So chances are that I could’ve started doing this from a long time back. I don’t really know. What I do know is that this has started to grow now and I find myself doing this at a larger scale than I ever did before.
I want to stop but this has become such an integral part of my life that if I don’t do this even once a day then I’m not myself anymore. It’s affecting my everyday conversations and this bothers me a lot. I can’t talk properly with people if I don’t do this and I’m a lost soul. It has affected me that badly. My mental state is a wreck because of this.
But I don’t care what anyone thinks about me anymore. I’m gonna tell everyone now and I’m not afraid of how I’m gonna be perceived from here after. Okay, I am a little bit scared but I need to push it aside.
Well the thing is that I, …. I talk to myself
*sits in the corner of the room and hides face in shame*
Please don’t look at me like that. I’m really embarrassed of this habit of mine but I can’t seem to stop! And the worst is that I do this everyday. I’m talking to myself right now!
Now you might think that the talking I do is what some people do i.e. have internal discussions with themselves. They are either agreeing with themselves or debating for a whole day about a topic. This is what I do as well, but mine is the next level.
Next level how? Well, I have everyday conversations with myself. How we talk to friends and family is the way I talk to myself and I do this loudly. Not exactly loudly, I keep murmuring but that counts as loud in this context right?
Now I shall provide some pictures so that you understand what exactly it is I’m talking about.
(Note : The girl in the pink shirt is my brain talking. My brain talks loudly and I’m it’s voice, hence the human form. The girl in the green shirt is myself answering to my brain. Again loudly. )
If you are wondering if I did go out and get cake for this very reason, then yes. Yes I did. And the conversation din’t stop here. It went on and on.
Now that you have fully understood what it is I’ve been telling you all this while, I would suggest you to pick your jaw from the floor. Or if you are laughing then I’d like you to stop. Because this ain’t funny child, this is some serious shit.
Word around the planet Earth is that if one talks to them-self then they are most likely to be a genius. Now this makes sense because I am a genius as I don’t function properly and geniuses never function properly. But I soon realized I’m not a genius as I read an article of this 19 year old boy who scored a perfect score of 2400 in his SATs and now universities like Harvard and Columbia are ASKING him to join them. It’ll take a blood sacrifice for me to get in, and this guy on the other hand has a choice as to which university he wants to go.
He is a true genius. I mean, who even gets perfect scores in their SATs and gets prestigious universities begging you to choose them?
So this proves that I’m a mere mortal who has a problem that only justifies the fact that I’m not sane. You can laugh at me and think this is a joke but I could only wish that this was one.
No one has ever heard me talk to myself though. I guess maybe because I do it mostly when I’m home alone or when no one is around. There have been a few instances when my mom has heard me murmuring but she thought that I was talking to her. Me being the great person I am, I will make sure she thinks that itself because I don’t want her to think she has a weirdo for a daughter. She might actually think I’m just making all this up but now you and I know that this is all part of my reality.
So, this is my confession about this weird little habit of mine. Do you have any sort of weird habits or confessions? A secret perhaps? I’m really good with secrets so your secret will be safe with me. I promise!