Dear Shefy,
Welcome to a blog post dedicated entirely to you!
I hope that didn’t sound creepy oh my god it did didn’t it?
When our classes got shuffled in the seventh grade and we ended up being in the same class, I remember thinking to myself, “Isn’t this that girl I see roaming around during recess and near the buses?”
One Tenali Rama drama in the ninth grade later, you became close.
From the tiffins we ate in the second period because we both were always hungry, to fighting those bullies in class – in such a short amount of time we gathered so many memories oh my.
During recess everyday – me to myself, “she still roams around? Does this woman not get tired?”
Then I left. My memory of a few years after that are blurry to me. I tend to block bad memories because as you know, I choose to shove my feelings deep down instead of talking about them.
But with everything that was going on, you were always by my side. It felt like you could hear the inner me cry for help and you were there to calm her down.
At the worst of my times you didn’t give me sympathy, you treated me normally.
It seemed like you could see past everything that was happening, the monster I was becoming. I was still the same to you and today if I have my sanity intact it’s because of you.
You’re my personal cheerleader!
When I took an unexpected hiatus from the internet and disappeared on you for more than a year, I really thought that it was the end. That things would not go back to how they were.
A part of me believed I had lost you forever.
Why?
Because I felt that me not being around to make you remember I exist would mean that eventually you’d forget. The devil that is my brain made me believe that perhaps you talked to me because I’d make you. That now you probably were thinking, “good riddance” and thanked your stars for me taking a sudden exit from your life.
You probably didn’t want anything to do with me anymore, and that feeling ate me up so much….
When I made my re-appearance, I was firm in my thoughts.
But boy oh boy did things turn from there.
You cursed at me for disappearing on you like that and thought I was dead.
I still laugh at this 😂
To see someone that affected by what I had done made not just my day but my life. I know you still hate that I did it to you but if I am being honest, I’m glad I did it. It is only because of that incident did I realize that even if I was a random message that popped on your screen rather than an actual human popping around you in reality, I meant something to you.
Yup, I am that selfish. I am talking about myself when this is supposed to be a post about you.
Like I care….
And it has only been up from there!!
As time passed you became an integral part of my life. I still don’t know how you managed to do that. You always complain about how high I have built the walls around me but somehow you managed to make a you-sized hole in one of them.
You and I, we have nothing in common. We are poles apart. You are so emotional and me, the complete opposite.
But I guess, that’s the beauty of our friendship. Two people with zero common ground being this close is not something anyone can imagine.
At least I didn’t.
Not being around for five years takes a toll on you though. My friends here say how amazing it is that despite the different time zones I still am this close to you. Little do they know that it might look beautiful from the outside, but deep down it eats you up.
It eats me up.
There are times when I feel like I need a shoulder to cry on. Times when I just want to hug you as you go through some of the most unimaginable situations in life.
Not being able to just sit next to you and tell you that everything will be alright is a fact that I learned to live with.
It isn’t a fact that I wanted to learn to live with.
I’m not a people person, you know that. My issues with human beings have been present ever since I can remember.
My entire life I have felt like a doormat. People came, people went.
But you stayed.
I have had this fear ever since a kid, of people leaving me. I don’t know from where it stems but it has always been there.
I think I was ten years old when this fear set in.
All I did was not let people in because I always felt that one fine day they’ll leave.
But you never left.
Even after seeing the absolute mess that I am – the weird little girl with problems bigger than her height and a personality that half the world doesn’t like – you decided to stay.
Three – four years ago I stopped attaching myself to people. Probably why disappearing came easy to me. I was convinced that the fear residing in me is true and I was better off without any people in my life.
What magic did you do to change my mind, woman?
Recent events that have happened triggered the fear I finally had gotten rid of. But it’s because of people like you, I know that even though the fear of people leaving me is present, I need to give people a chance because not everyone will.
And that’s why you’re important to me. You, without even realizing it changed so many views of mine about life and about people.
You restored my faith in humanity. If today I believe in people – it’s because you taught me to.
We think alike once in a blue moon and the only common thing between us is probably our extreme hatred for watermelon, yet we ended up building a friendship so strong that all the adjectives in the English language aren’t enough to describe it.
Your friends ended up being my friends and my friends, yours. Your drama with your friends comes to me as you seek solutions and my whining and ranting about India and our society comes to you.
From sending screenshots of others’ messages to each other and asking, “what do I say now?” or my personal favourite, “look what they said!”, to sending voice-notes detailing the other about our day – we do it all.
For the others reading this as it’s on a public platform and have no idea what is going on, this best friend of mine is getting married and I am getting emotional.
She isn’t dying
I know that’s what you thought. Shush
So bebz, you’re getting married to the love of your life. Your story is something that I’ve read about or seen in movies.
When you told me your story I thought to myself, “um, did she just narrate a movie plot? Do these things happen in real?”
It does. You’re living proof.
You’re a fighter. You’re an inspiration.
You’re story makes me believe in love.
I don’t believe for myself, duh. But I guess I believe that there are people like you out there, the rarest of the rare, who show the world the very fact we have grown up watching on our screens – that true love exists.
A love that sees no boundary, no time and no place. A love so strong that it could fight the most painful struggles and still come out strong.
A love that gets a happy ending.
You getting married is like the end of an era. You’re so willingly giving up almost your entire life to be with the man who won your heart.
It’s not something you see on a daily basis. And I consider myself lucky to be witnessing this.
I consider myself lucky to have you in my life.
I don’t like change.
But this change is something I’m looking forward to as it is going to bring you the happiness that you oh so much deserve.
And seeing you happy is all I want.
I know you’re a materialistic person. And this is far from a gift that you’d like. I made you read even though you hate reading. It’s the most awful gift to give you, actually!
But as of now I can’t give you anything in the material form.
I hope for the time being this is enough because if I decided to tell you how I feel, it means you’re pretty darn special to me.
You’re lucky to have me in your life!
Thank you for always being there for me. I won’t be telling you all the other sappy stuff.
Because I ain’t going anywhere.
This isn’t a “bye” but a new “hello” as you step into this new chapter of your life.
I believe I have made you feel important enough. More than this you don’t deserve so now I stop.
I’ll see you in your messages after this.
Yours,
Kitty
