A Superhero, Maybe

While coming back home yesterday after meeting with a friend, a little girl crossed my path who looked at me and smiled.  She then stopped me and told me that she had seen me before. I apologized to her telling that I couldn’t remember who she was. She smiled and told me, “A superhero like you can’t remember all the people you rescue right?”

I was confused. Why would she call me a superhero? I was pretty sure she had mistaken me for someone else but then she told me how is it she had met me and it all made sense.

Two months ago an incident had taken place below my building. I was looking after my brother in a play area built for children where I saw two girls occupying the only two swings that are there. One girl must be around 15 years old and the other one must be 14. My equation with the 15 year old has never been good as we clash a lot. Now you can’t expect me to be on good terms with someone who has a lot of ego and gets happiness from plotting against her own friends right?
I was looking after my brother when I heard a girl cry. I turned around to find that there was a little girl who was crying because she wanted to sit on the swing but those two girls weren’t allowing her. The 15 year old was screaming at this tiny little girl telling her that the swing is hers and she won’t give it to the girl. The little girl was bawling her eyes out and she walked away when the 15 year old stood up and told her, “Come here girly. You can have the swing.” I was so happy to see that this girl finally got some sense knocked into her head as the little girl came running back. But obviously I was wrong.
What this big girl did was sit back on the swing as soon as the little one came back. Upset, the little one walked away and the 15 year old stood up again and called her back. The little one came running back and what did the 15 year old do? She sat again. She repeated this routine of hers for around 3 times until the little one eventually had a breakdown. The 15 year old then was telling her friend, “Oh my God look at this kid man! At such a young age she’s acting so brilliantly. Look at the crocodile tears dude. Haha kid you can be a star!” Her friend just laughed with her.

I couldn’t bear it. My eyes were filled with tears as I saw those two girls torment and bully that kid. I walked up to them and screamt at them. This is what happened :

“Is this your swing? Who are you to tell me? I came here first!”

“This isn’t your swing either. You may have come first but you’ve played long enough. This kid is literally begging you and you are bullying her? Are you not human?”

“I’m the one sitting here. It’s my wish.”

“”Get up and let her play. You have to.”

“And what if I don’t?”

“I can’t do anything. But I can only hope that you have a little humanity in you. I know you are smart. Put your brain into use for something good – for once. I know you love bullying kids but I will not stand here and see you do that. She’s a kid and you are elder to her. Do you really want to set a bad image for yourself? I know you don’t care about anyone but yourself. I’m standing here screaming at you for this kid. At least respect my concern, if not me. Can’t I expect something good from you for once?”

Her friend finally decided to speak and this is what we spoke :

“It’s that kid’s fault! Can’t she see that we are playing here? We’ve been playing here for an hour. We are here elders. She can’t respect us?”

“How is it this kid’s fault just tell me? Because she wants to play on the swings that you and your friend have captured and are declaring your property? Let me remind you that these swings are made for kids to play not for teenagers like us. You want respect? Show some respect yourself. I’m elder to you and look at the way you treat me. Respect works two ways. You simply can’t just stand here and demand respect that too from a kid. Give respect and you’ll get respect. Simple as that.”

The 15 year old took her friend and walked away. I told them that if they want to talk behind my back then they don’t need to as they can talk whatever shit they want right in front of me. They just responded with “whatever” and went along.

All this time I din’t see the girl who was standing there all along. When I finally turned around, I saw her gleaming with joy. I made small talk with her as she was playing. When she told me that she was 4 years old, it broke my heart. I witnessed a 15 year old torture a 4 year old mentally just for a swing. What is our world coming to?

The day’s incident is crystal clear in my memory. That’s how I remember the conversations so well. I guess it’s because I don’t get to witness such incidents on a daily basis. And I so hope I never have to.

This girl called me a ‘superhero’ because that day I saved her from all that trash. She told me that now those two girls never trouble her in whatsoever way and I’m just so glad.

But me and a superhero? Really?

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A superhero would mean that I always do good. But honestly speaking, I see myself as a villain. You see, I’ve never liked those two girls. This was my opportunity to blast them off. Verbally of course but in my mind I visualize it something like this :

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And by this if someone else is benefited, then I’m going to consider this as a bonus!

It hurts me so much to think that a 4 year old could be bullied this badly by someone from the same generation as I am. What has happened to humanity? Can someone really get so much of happiness from bullying a kid?

That kid now believes that there is good out there in the world. Growing up her belief in that is most likely to get destroyed, just like how mine is. There are good people out there but the bad overshadows it. She’ll learn that not everything is right in the world, but I don’t want her to learn it now. At this age every kid feels that the world is full of rainbows and butterflies, that fairies are real and magic isn’t just an illusion. I don’t want her innocence to go away this soon. She’s a kid and I want her to enjoy her fairy-tale world – a world where superheroes exist. That phase is a wonderful one. She’ll learn what she has to when she grows up.

I can only hope that no one else will want to snatch her world away from her. From any kid for that matter. They’re just kids for God’s sake. They shouldn’t be subjected to bullying and mental torture especially when they don’t even know what it is they are going through. Let them be.

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My Younger, Ignoramus Self

So today’s post is dedicated to my younger self. Well, I’m obviously not that old. But here when I say young, I mean the 8 year old me. I think in internet terms, this qualifies as a ‘throwback’ post.

Recently, I bought a huge pack of Pringles. Considering the facts that I was eating it after an entire year and I love the chips to a very high extent, I was jumping around the house with the packet in my hand. When I then sat down to eat it, my mom laughed and told me, “You do know that when you were small you hated Pringles right? We used to have tons of it in the house, but you’d refuse to even pick one up, let alone try it!”

I was in utter shock when I heard this. I couldn’t believe what she just said.

I hated Pringles. I hated Pringles. I disliked any chips for that matter.

While I was trying to recover by eating chips, I went into flashback mode. And then I realized what a fool I was as a kid. Why you might ask? Because I hated everything. Everything. Well, except for cartoons. Thank God for that.

Since I have a good memory (thanks Dad),  I remember a lot about my years as a kid. Maybe it’s an advantage of having such a memory or a disadvantage, I don’t really know. But I’m kind of stuck with all this useless information. I quite well remember what kind of a kid I was, and it bothers me a lot.

I remember I used to be this really fussy kid who refused to eat anything. All the treats that kids my age would enjoy, were the stuff I happily refused to even try! In my mind, they were all bad and I ignored my parents who always wanted me to try all of this.

My dad used to get me huge boxes of expensive chocolates and sweet treats of various kinds. I’d have loads of junk food and aerated drinks at home because we had family friends who owned all kinds of businesses. And also my parents believed it’d help me gain weight. But I ignored all of these things, which I absolutely love now. I don’t really know why I was such a kid. I don’t think I was in the right mind. I’d like to believe that my brain was being controlled by my nemesis who lives in a parallel universe.

I remember seeing my refrigerator stuffed with a hundred boxes of chocolates and ice-creams. Literally hundreds of them. But I always refused to even try one of them. I would always have my grumpy face on and just run away to my room whenever someone offered me a chocolate. And as a result all the chocolates that I beg my parents now to get me, used to be given away to my relatives who din’t even know what they were.

I remember this uncle of mine, who always used to get me a Snicker bar whenever he visited me. This is what used to happen.

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Everytime!

It wasn’t always related to food you know? This ignorant side of me was prevalent for every single thing. And here comes another story.

When I was six, one of my friends gifted me a story book for my birthday. I really liked the cover of the book. It was really colourful and the pictures were really nice. For the first time I was interested in trying out something new, until I turned to the first page. It was hate at first sight. I just din’t want to read!
Many birthdays passed by, and I got a ton of books. I had a pile of them tucked away at some corner of a shelf. But I never touched even one of it as I never really wanted to read. Every time my mom used to clean the shelves, she would start sneezing really badly when the book shelf came next in line. That is how dusty it was because no one ever touched it.

I really was a weird, ignorant kid who hated everything fun. I din’t even like the word fun. I din’t like talking to anyone nor playing with anyone. I had this one best friend and I would only talk to her. Other than that, I only liked my cartoons and my school. Anything that din’t fit into these ‘interests’ of mine were discarded from my life with a click of my fingers. I never really took a step to at least try something new.

In short, this was me –

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If I could, then I would go back in time and smack my younger self (or defeat my nemesis so that I’d get the control of my brain back in my hands) which maybe will result in me being a better kid and then I would start actually enjoying what I had. I really feel so ashamed of my younger self most of the time.

I’ve obviously drastically changed now. I actually love chocolates so much that it is a significant part of me. The Snickers Bar that I used to hate with all my might is now my favourite chocolate bar. I love reading now and I cannot stand anyone mistreating books. The computer which was once my mortal enemy, is now what I love the most. So much that my career option has it in the center.

Well, right now I can’t do anything about my stupid younger self, but at least I learnt from my mistakes.
What are some things that you disliked about your younger self?

Things No One Should Say To Me Anymore

I think this week’s post’s title is self-explanatory. So I’m gonna skip the general 2 paragraph introduction I always give you. Why waste your time reading that, when you could spend your time productively? ( I know that when you read ‘productively’ you immediately thought of Facebook and Twitter. Yes I’m watching you. -cue evil laugh-)

I don’t know what is with people asking me weird and senseless stuff. Not to mention the nonsensical language that many speak in. Like hello, that is what I do okay?
Anyways, all this really irritates me to the point where I start making plans on how to kill them. To be honest, I get irritated by every little thing. I even get irritated at myself at times.
So today I’ve decided to take a step against this. Now I’ll list what all I have to go through on a regular basis. All the things I’m tired of hearing.

1. “How are you so thin? Give us tips please?”
I’m not so thin also. Have you seen others? As for the tips, if I knew wouldn’t I have already released a book and made millions out of it? If you think I have some sort of healthy lifestyle, then I’m sorry to pop your bubble *eats a Pringle* The only tip I can give you, is keep eating. Food is life. You shouldn’t ignore food.

2. “You are a foodie? What? How is it that you eat so much, but end up being so thin?”
You see, I’m blessed with something called a “high metabolism”. Just rub a lamp and ask the genie that comes out to bless you with a high metabolism too, okay? How much ever I eat, it doesn’t affect me. I sometimes feel that the more I eat, the more weight I lose! So now, why will I not take advantage of this and eat my heart out? Do I look like some sort of a fool to you? I’d be a fool if I wasn’t eating when I’m hungry. And I’m always hungry. ALWAYS.

3. “Why do you eat all unhealthy things? All the sweets, and junk food too! Do you not care about your health?”
Oh I’m sorry, I didn’t know that you only eat healthy food. Wait, you don’t? Then why you asking me huh? I’m actually advised my doctor to eat unhealthy food so that it’ll help me gain weight. I’m doing something good. So stop judging me and passing me comments you idiots.
Now,

I realize that there are two GIFS of Jennifer Lawrence here. But what to do, she understands my food situation  more than anyone out there. An amazing celebrity gets me. Now why will I not tell you that?

4. “What is your favourite food?”
How dare you ask me this question? How can you possibly ask me to choose? Food is food. You can’t command me. You can’t do that to me. And besides, what are you going to gain by knowing this huh?

5. “Why are you so short?”
I’m short because I gifted my height to you, so that you can become tall. I’m doing a good deed, so shut up and thank me now.
And also, being short has its advantages. I like being short. Wait a minute, there are people who are shorter than me! So are you telling me you waste spend your time by asking this question to every short person who crosses your path? Nice hobby I must admit.

Now you understand right?

6. “You’re  a nerd right? How lucky. You don’t have to study!”
Wow, what a nice logic. You surely have a brilliant brain. I wonder why you don’t get good grades….
Oh I know, it’s because you actually are plain stupid. You thought I was complimenting you? Another fact that proves you’re stupid. We nerds have to study more, because we have a reputation to keep up. Did that make sense to you now?

This how I react inside when such a question is asked.
I think I speak for all the nerds out there, here.

7. All the ‘cool’ words used while speaking. Meaning, all the “YOLO”s and “SWAG”s
I don’t know who created these words, but I think that is good because that person would probably be dead right now. Can you believe it? It’s 2014, and there are people who STILL say ‘YOLO’ for everything and anything. Have you sold your brain to someone, or is it on a permanent hiatus? If you think this makes you cool, then you have a bunch of ice-cubes for a brain. I’m so sorry to break this news to you.
Now stop using these words, please! Have some mercy on us!

Yes please!

8. “How many books have you read?” And all the other book-related questions.
Yes I’m a bookworm, but I’m a disgrace to all the bookworms out there because I haven’t read a lot of books. I have my reasons for that. But YOU can’t ask me such questions and make me feel bad okay? And how many ever books I’ve read, I don’t think I need to tell you. Why do I need to answer you? Do you really think I’m gonna answer these questions that you ask almost everyone? Have you ever even read a book in the first place?

9. “Why do you love certain celebrities so much? Why do you follow so many shows and fandoms?”
Remind me the next time I start following a celebrity to ask you for permission okay? Oh wait, I don’t need your permission. So then why does it bother you? The entertainment world entertains me more than your non-sense does. Now, doesn’t that make sense?

10. “What social networking sites are you on?”
Why do you want to know? So that you can annoy me there also? If I haven’t told you already, then it means I don’t want you to know. Why is it so hard to understand such simple things? Why?

So there you go. This is my list. I think there are more, but I can’t seem to recollect anymore at the moment. And now I realize that most of this is related to food. Well, that’s me.
Now it’s your turn. What are some of the things that annoy you the most?

Types of people you come across in train rides

To travel from one state to another, here people normally use trains rather than airplanes as it is much cheaper. And since we travel to far off distances, we spend a night in the train or maybe more. When one does spend so much time here, you are forced to be around people. And if one bears similarities to me, then they will start observing all these various people, judging them and classifying them in certain groups.
Well, I’ve just done that. So here it is!

1. The ‘I know everything’ people – These are the people who think they know how a train functions while in reality even though they travel a lot, they know nothing. Absolutely nothing. But they don’t seem to accept this fact, so they keep bugging fellow travelers with obvious facts. One such person told me, “Do you know that we will reach at 10 AM?” Everyone knows we will reach at that time, because our ticket says so. But this person was determined to show how stupid he is.

2. The party animals – These people are generally in groups and think that the entire train is their party station and now they will start partying. They’ll start playing songs out loud, talk loudly and even dance. If they play good songs then obviously no one would mind, but these songs are crappy and their dance is horrifying. And so the torture on us begins.

3. The lost one (This one is me) – Mostly these are the people who ride such kind of trains for the first time, which in turn means they don’t know anything. Everything is so new to them that they don’t know what to do. But this isn’t only the ones who go first. This could be your 50th train ride, but you still don’t know what goes where and what to do. You’re just….lost!

4. The athlete – This person can’t sit in one place and will keep jumping from one seat to another. Not the normal jump but the ‘high’ jump which means jumping over everyone’s heads. Yes, heads.  They can qualify for the Olympics if they want. But I guess they can’t because you can’t jump over people there.

Or maybe they can’t qualify because they jump like this?

5. The gadget freak – Obsession with gadgets is quite fine, but not to such a level that you need an entire seat just for it. This person carries all the gadgets known to mankind with them. Any gadget you know, they have it. They won’t sleep, because they are busy taking care of all the gadgets they have. Taking one out, using it for 10 minutes and then taking another one out of their huge bag to do the same is what they do the entire trip.

This is how they look like.
Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating. Ah well.

6. The story tellers – These are the people who have any sort of story ready with them. Do you want to hear a horror story? A love story perhaps? Maybe a story about travel? Then you know whom to go to. Any story you want. they will readily tell you. Well they’ll claim it to be a story about what you’ve asked, but it will just be about them in reality. Sorry guys.

7. The filmy kind – In Bollywood movies, most of the time a girl and a boy meet in such kind of trains and then they fall in love and all that crap. The person they meet is their ‘true love’ and then they’ll get married in the end of the movie and will live happily ever after. So here in this world, we have many people who love watching these hopeless romantic films and somehow feel that they will also meet their ‘soul mate’ in such kind of train ride. We know that this isn’t possible, but can someone explain to them that this doesn’t happen? Because every train ride of theirs is actually just an attempt to find their true love.

This is a still from a famous Bollywood movie, which started all this.

8. The ‘professional photographer’ –  Notice the single quotes in the title? Yeah well that’s because this person THINKS he is a professional photographer when in reality he doesn’t even know how to click a picture. I’m pretty sure of this because this person takes pictures of the train, the seats and tries to take a picture of the view outside but fails miserably. I even saw a person clicking a picture of a plastic wrap. What sense does taking photos of such absurd things make?

9. The lazy ass – This person will just lay down on the seat and do ……. nothing. They’ll just be lying their and in some cases be listening to music or maybe reading a book, but otherwise they’ll be idle. You will never see them walk around, or even sit up. They will just be, there. There is nothing you can do to make them get up. Nothing.

10. The over-packer – This person carries their entire house with them while travelling. Name anything and they will have it with them. A thousand toothbrushes, a map of the world, toys for babies (even if this person doesn’t even have a baby) and a guide on how to survive the apocalypse are just a few of the things they carry with them.

So there you go. This is how I classified the people I traveled with in those two rides. While some of them were fun to be around if I speak honestly, the others made my trip more uncomfortable and annoying.

Have you come across other types of people? Which one of these groups do you find yourself in?

A Letter to the Ghost living in this house

So I currently live in my uncle’s house just until my new home’s ready (was that too much of information?) and well, strange things are happening! I know there is a ghost living here and yesterday night’s incident convinced me.

I have always kept the speed of the ceiling fan right above me at two during the winters ever since I can remember.  So yesterday night was no different. But I woke up at around 5 in the morning all of a sudden because I felt a cold wave all over my body. I looked up and saw that the ceiling fan was rotating with a greater speed and was the reason I felt cold. Too sleepy to think, I just assumed that my mom might have increased the speed and so I fell back to sleep. As soon as I woke up the first thing I did was ask my mom, “Why did you increase the speed of the fan yesterday night?” And to my horror she replied, “Wait a second. I din’t increase the speed! When I checked early in the morning, the regulator was at four! I know you always want the speed to be at the second level, so I thought maybe it was a mistake!” I said, “I kept it a two, like all the other days. Who changed it to four?!” My mom was shocked as she remembered that she saw me keeping the speed at two yesterday before going to bed.

We both knew no one else changed it because my brother sleeps with us and he’s too short to reach, while my dad and uncle sleep in the room. So who changed the speed?!

If this was just a one time thing, maybe I wouldn’t be questioning this at all. But as you might have guessed by now, this isn’t the first time! So it’s time I addressed the ghost living here. And what better way to do it than writing a letter?

~~x~~

Dear ghost,

I hope everything is fine with you. There is no reason to tell you how am I because you can see that.

I’m pretty sure you are reading this as I’m typing and I have one request – please step up your game if you really want to scare us because right now this is how we think you look like.

And all of us know that this look of yours is far from scary.  So if your aim is to scare the life out of us, then that is not what is happening. What is happening is what I have written below :

  1. The Refrigerator – Sometimes at night while sleeping, the refrigerator makes weird noises. It sounds like someone is using a hammer and trying to repair something. My brother thinks that Bob The Builder might have visited us, but you and I know that it isn’t him. A cartoon character is taking all your credit!
  2. The Mobile – On almost every Saturday of the week, my mom gets a missed call from an unknown number several times a day. But only happens when we are in the house! We called the number back, but no one ever picks up! Everyone is thinking that it must be some cross-connection thing.
  3. My Uncle – I don’t think its humanly possible to fall asleep as soon as you hit the bed and also start snoring, but my uncle does so! My brother asked him once that how is it that he sleeps so fast and he replied, “What are you saying? It takes me a good 15 minutes to fall asleep!” My dad who sleeps with him says that he falls asleep as soon as he pulls the covers, but my uncle doesn’t seem to agree! We think that he’s lying.

Let me be frank with you. You are a very stupid ghost who is trying to scare us but is failing miserably at it! What is happening is surprising yes, but so not scary. This is just bull shit.

Everyone’s thinking that this all in our head and laughing at all this strangeness going around. Even my 10 year old brother isn’t scared of you. So that pretty much gives you the idea how horrible your scare-game is. My advice is that you join some school or college so that you learn what scary actually means, have a little bit of work experience and then only come back to this apartment. I’m pretty sure then you will be successful!

All the very best for your adventures. Hope to hear from you soon.
Till then good bye and take care
Keerthi

P.S. – Stop it with the missed calls already. I told you its useless!

P.P.S. – I’m sorry for not following the actual format of a letter. You are a ghost so I think you don’t have the same rules as us.

I’m not a Wallflower, I’m Socially Awkward

So I was talking to a friend recently (actually chatting on a social networking site. Internet has taken over the world) and she asked me asked me a few things.
She’s really popular in her school, and so is clearly a very social person. She also is a bit um…. how do I say in nice words…. a little less intelligent than the average man. So she thinks every homo sapien on this planet loves socializing because she does so. She thought I also love parties which apparently everyone loves, but was surprised to learn that I hate parties and so stating that I’m not a ‘party animal’. The following conversation took place then :
Her : Why do you hate parties? Parties are so much fun!! You meet so many amazing people!
Me : Erm, I’m socially – awkward. I think you get the point now.
Her : Why did you choose to be socially – awkward? That’s no fun!

So she thinks I chose to be socially – awkward which actually isn’t true, or maybe it is. All I know is that if I am told to socialize people, I will choose the easier option to just run away from the place. Anxiety gets the best of me and well, I don’t talk to people a lot. (Friends and family not included obviously) Sometimes I wonder how do I even have friends. I think they talked to me first and then it continued because there is no way I talked first.
Sometimes I guess anxiety isn’t the main reason for my social-awkwardness. I think its because I kind of hate people (please don’t kill me, please don’t. I love the people of the blogging world. I do!!). Its just that people are so judgmental and always poking their unwanted nose in my business and it gets irritating. Also there are weird people roaming around aimlessly and it bugs me. You’ll go and talk to them thinking they are ‘nice people’ and after an hour you are stuck with them and regretting the decision of extending that hand first.

My close friends though find it a bit surprising that I’m so. I’m called the ‘glue that sticks the group together’ and ‘the most sociable person’! -blinks awkwardly- Maybe because once I’m in my comfort zone and I know I have eliminated all the weird people out of my vicinity, I will start talking and then you can’t shut me up if you point a gun at me!! I will talk about almost anything to you if you share the same enthusiasm that I have and also talk back to me.

Then the conversation between my friend and I continued. But I was shocked when she said,
“So basically you are a Wallflower right? That is so cool! OMG!! I saw Perks Of Being A Wallflower, and that was such a fantastic movie! Logan Lerman played the character of a Wallflower right? He was so awesome!! I wish I was a Wallflower as well. My life would be so awesome. Just like Charlie 😀 ”

How is that she thinks being a wallflower and being socially-awkward is the same? Its not the first time I’ve heard this though. After watching the movie most of the people around me thought this and I cannot tell you how many times some friends of mine have called me a wallflower. And today I will put a stop to this.

So you see? There is a clear difference. I might be socially-awkward and shy, but I definitely don’t go un-noticed at a party. People come towards to me, but I just shoo them away. I don’t talk to a lot of people not because no one talks to me, but actually I don’t want to talk to them because I fear of what they will think about me. I’m not proud of being a socially – awkward person, it isn’t good. But I’ve learnt to embrace it rather than run away from the obvious fact. I’m trying to mend myself because it seems this isn’t good and I get constant shoutings from my mother.

So please, don’t ever get the thought that these two terms are the same. Its kind of weird if you think so. And I’m pretty sure you are not the bad type of weird.

P.S. I have nothing against the movie or the book. I absolutely loved the movie. Infact I still do 😀

The tale of a boy named Azzo (Its fictional of course!)

I have a younger brother who is 9 years old and he is the source for my entertainment when he isn’t in a cranky mood (which is always). So when we aren’t after each other’s lives, we spend time together. Most of that time goes in him sharing a piece of his imagination with me. He has made a series of stories cleverly named ‘The Adventures Of Azzo’ and whenever his creative juices are flowing around his kind-of-non-existent brain, the stories are brought to life. What are these stories? Who is Azzo? What kind of name is that? I’m sure these are the questions roaming around freely in that brain of yours. Let us now learn about this in deeper detail as I clearly have no aim in life whatsoever and you are too bored because there is no other way you’d have reached this post. Or maybe being held a hostage somewhere……..

Who is Azzo?
Azzo is a now 12 year old boy who lives in a village that apparently has no name. He is the protagonist of the stories. He likes to take random walks in a forest nearby. Never fight with him as he’s armed. Armed how? Well he owns an AK-47 gun! A boy at the age of 8 owned a gun, that too a deadly one!! He is skilled in shooting cows, and repairing bridges. He’s the superstar of his village and a movie based on him is in the making.

What kind of name is this?
2 -3 years back is when this name is formed. And I’m responsible for this.
I was talking to my friend on the phone in my room one fine day. We were talking about someone and I said, “That asshole”. I din’t realize that my brother had managed to slip into my room and well, he heard me say it. He then innocently asked me, ‘What did you say right now?” I said, “Nothing, nothing. Go away now!” He said, “Who is Azzo?” I realized that he misheard me and thought I said Azzo instead of asshole. So I replied, “No one.” That very night he slept with me and asked me whether he can recite a story. I gave him the green signal and he started with this very sentence – Once upon a time in a faraway village lives a boy named Azzo. I was in utter shock. I asked him a hundred times what the name was and he said Azzo. Shocking isn’t it?

What are these stories? 
So basically these stories revolve around the protagonist Azzo who shoots cows because they attack him. These are special type of cows as they live in forests and jungles. He apparently is also over-weight because whenever he crosses a bridge on route on his way back home, the bridge breaks and he finds himself in a ditch. Not to worry, he has a rope with him too!!

I will now narrate the first story in the series. I’m obviously going to type it in the proper grammar it requires because I’m a Grammar Nazi and um, I’m not a 7 year old?
In a faraway land in a small village lives a boy named Azzo. He is the favourite of his family and the beloved one of his village. He likes to take walks in a forest nearby. He carries his AK-47 gun with him wherever  he goes because he is scared of animals and would like to shoot them in self-defense. So one day he goes for a walk to the forest and is attacked by a cow. Azzo now being scared shoots the cow and the cow dies. Azzo is happy and he goes back to his village. While he is walking he has to pass a bridge. While mid-way on the bridge, it breaks and Azzo finds himself in a ditch below. He’s scared but then he remembers that he has a rope with him. So he uses it to climb out of the ditch and then he returns home safely.

The sentences above were formed by my brother. That’s why its weird.

So in a nutshell, Azzo is an asshole like his name because he shoots cows who apparently live in ‘forests’!!
Azzo
This is the official poster for the stories. Please do not re-use otherwise my brother’s sentiments would be hurt. He took a lot of time and put in a lot of effort to make this!!

If you’d like me to post more stories that my brother makes, please let me know. I shall post more then. If you din’t like this then this will be the post that I will regret forever……