To care or not to care?

Its been a while since I’ve posted something serious. Serious in my mind at least. So today I’m gonna post about a topic that I’ve always wondered about.

Everyone is always thinking who cares about them or who will care about them. There’s not a single soul who wouldn’t want at least one person to genuinely care about them. But I find it weird when one expects someone to care about them, but the person doesn’t care about them in return.
Confused? Me too.

Believe it or not, we live in a world full of expectations. Reality is something we refuse to come back to and as a result we keep flying to expectations that we know we can’t expect to be true. I also have expectations – from family, friends and life. But I know that I need to keep them realistic. I can’t expect something from someone, when I know I can’t get it. The same way goes for the term ‘care’.

Expecting genuine care and concern from someone is easy, but caring for someone deeply is tough. I know so many people who constantly crib about no one caring for them but do they care for anyone in the manner they want back? The answer is mostly no. So if you can’t care for anyone then how possibly could you expect it in return?
The funny thing is that mostly there will be someone caring for them, but its neglected which obviously means that the care they receive isn’t appreciated. And then they go around telling that no one cares about them. Isn’t that weird? Someone cares about them so deeply but they don’t seem to notice it which in turn means that the person giving them care isn’t getting anything back! They are genuinely concerned for someone and in turn are treated badly. What do they get from caring for someone? Nothing at all. And they feel like not caring for anyone anymore at all.

There also the opposite to not caring for anyone. Its called over-caring and I’ve just learnt about it. Over-caring it seems means that you care for someone so much that the person on the receiving end feels suffocated. You care about someone so deeply that in return you want to know everything about them. This type of caring could be good according to me if you are extremely close with the other person but it isn’t right if you hardly even know them.

So the question here is, do we need to care for someone? Because we know that caring for someone could result in two things. One being that you in return won’t be cared about and the second being that the care you receive would be disturbing. So is it really necessary to care? Well my answer is yes.

I’ve grown up with only the genuine care from my family but not friends. As a kid I cared about every friend but was shattered to know that they din’t even bother to know if I’m still beside them. People came and went and I cared for everyone but what did I get? Nothing, absolutely nothing. I started thinking what was the point of me caring for an individual when I won’t get that in return? I was going to stop caring until I met the friends that I have now. I din’t care for them at first thinking I’m gonna be let down again like how I’ve been from the past years but when I couldn’t help but feel for them genuinely. And then I was so shocked to actually be receiving the affection that I had been giving to others from such a long time. I felt blessed to be in the vicinity of people who actually cared about my existence. What I did affected them and I couldn’t be happier.

I might not have many people who care about me, but I know there are a few people out there. I sometimes do ‘over-care’ but I know I do it for the right people because they don’t mind it. Of course when it goes out of hand they tell me and well, I just stop. But that doesn’t mean that they will stop caring for me. We have that understanding and everything’s back to normal.

But I still do sometimes feel that the care I show to others is not what I get in return. I’m not on the top of anyone’s list but does that stop me? Nope. I know that caring for the right people will always be the best for me and the people around me. I can’t care for each and everyone and expect them for something in return. That’s not fair either for me or for them. So I’ve learnt that if I am to care for someone, I need to be sure that that person deserves it. As for over-caring, I feel its fine when you do it with the right people. But you shouldn’t for people who don’t deserve it. Why waste your energy on someone who’s going to not appreciate what you do for them? What would you benefit from knowing everything about someone’s life while they think you aren’t needed in their life and are irritated with you?

So what I say is, find the middle to this caring thing. You don’t have to go to the extremes. You don’t have to care about someone who doesn’t feel the same way and you don’t need to care about someone so much that it hurts both you and them. You know why? Because there are people out there who want your care and concern and they are the ones who deserve it. Not someone who will never appreciate what you do for them, or worse, you. And trust me when I say this, you don’t need to waste your time for such people.
Caring for someone, and get the same back is a wonderful feeling. You feel appreciated and loved. So be wise when you do so.
And one more thing, if you know someone who cares about you then treat them right. Don’t neglect them because that hurts them a lot.  Appreciate what you have with you!

I really don’t know if any of this made any sense. I just hope it did as according to me its something really important because I’ve been through this quite a lot and I know it feels.

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The Bully-vard Of Broken Bones

If you are a regular reader of my posts then by now you will know that I have a 9 – year old brother. And this post is inspired by his struggles in my native country.

Yesterday evening when my mom and him came back from the playground situated right below my building, my brother looked upset and my mom was in an angry mood. When I inquired, she said that the children with whom he ‘plays’ told her that my brother swears a lot in my country’s national language – Hindi. They also told her that he curses and teases the children. I was shocked because I know he doesn’t even know one bad word, and now we have complaints that he abuses? Then went a long conversation between my mom, me and my brother. We needed to know if this was true.

My brother admitted to telling some words, but he never knew that they were bad. He heard the other children using them, and picked it up. He told it to them because he wanted to be accepted by them. He wanted to play with them.

These kids dominate the entire building. They are from the ages 9 – 12. You’d expect them to play with someone who obviously is the same age. But things don’t always turn out to be the way you expect them to be right?

My brother isn’t physically strong. He can’t run fast without tripping down and he still can’t jump. In short you can say he is weak. So the kids in the country where we both grew up took care of him in school. He had amazing friends who would guide him anywhere in school. His best friend was always regarded as his body-guard. They cared about him that much!

But the kids here have a totally different definition of care.

When we just came to the building they treated him well and played a lot with him. They loved him and cared a lot. We were really happy that he found good friends here too. But we jumped to conclusions too soon.
After 2 months of everyday play, one boy decided to turn the tables. I don’t know what was his problem.  Let’s name the boy XYZ here.
Whenever my brother would go to play they’d just ignore him. My brother would run behind them, and they can’t turn around and tell him to stop! Then one day we found out that XYZ and his partner beat my brother with a dirty broom that was just lying around. They told my brother not to tell my mom or else they’ll stop playing with him. Living in that fear, my  brother never opened up to my mom, dad or me! That broom caused him allergies. His entire body was red, and for two days he couldn’t go out.
Next day my mom and I shouted at those kids and especially XYZ. We gave him a final warning. The next day they played extremely well with him. We thought they learnt their lesson.

A month passed by, and everyone was happy. Until one day my brother started crying at home all of a sudden.

After a very rigorous interrogation and numerous attempts to break his loyalty towards his ‘friends’, my brother decided to open up. And what he said, left my mom and I in tears.

He said that XYZ would tell him to hide in a room. When my brother tried to get out, he and his friends would be pulling the doors so that he’d be trapped inside. Sometimes they pulled his pants, slapped him or made him trip down by putting their leg in the way while he was walking. And when he fell down, they wouldn’t let him up. Instead they’d stand on his pants so that standing isn’t easy for him. And after all these disastrous events, they’d tell him to shut his mouth about all this and never utter a word to my mom and I.
He was being bullied everyday and he kept quiet about it because he was scared.

My brother was weak infront of them. Their continuous fighting among themselves followed by a series of curse words to their own siblings, it was too much for anyone to control.

We told them to stop playing with my brother anymore, and told my brother the same. But my brother was so lonely here that in the end he ran behind them again.
Those kids gained a bit of sense and started playing with him properly. And they were always under my mom’s guidance. So my mom always monitors  every move of theirs.

Then came yesterday. My brother is also at fault here because he din’t need to repeat the words that they use. He’s extremely short – tempered and whenever he’s angry, he’ll start saying each and every word that comes to his mind and gets really hyper. But those kids are obviously at a greater fault here.

Now my brother swears he will never play with them and those kids also say that they never ever will play with him. I don’t want to hear anymore of these cases regarding bullying. I just hope that everything is back to normal till we shift from here. Then none of us have to face these kids ever again.

One thing is still confusing. If they never wanted to play with my brother, then why din’t they tell that directly to us? Why all this torture and made up stories?

These kids were at such an extent because their parents never took their actions seriously. They always say, ‘They are kids. They’re just having fun!’ Everyone in the building knows how bad they are, yet no one stands up to them. That’s why my brother is their first victim. After all this those kids have got severe shoutings by their parents and everyone else in the building. Hopefully they learnt their lesson now and no other kid will be a victim of bullying in this building.
If you yourself are either a victim of bullying or you know someone who is being bullied, stand up to it and defend them. You are not going to lose anything but you will gain respect from others. This needs to stop, and we all can do that. No one should feel the way my brother does. No one deserves that.