A Bunch Of Words Strung Together, For You

Dear Shefy,

Welcome to a blog post dedicated entirely to you!
I hope that didn’t sound creepy oh my god it did didn’t it?

When our classes got shuffled in the seventh grade and we ended up being in the same class, I remember thinking to myself, “Isn’t this that girl I see roaming around during recess and near the buses?”

One Tenali Rama drama in the ninth grade later, you became close.

From the tiffins we ate in the second period because we both were always hungry, to fighting those bullies in class – in such a short amount of time we gathered so many memories oh my.

During recess everyday – me to myself, “she still roams around? Does this woman not get tired?”

Then I left. My memory of a few years after that are blurry to me. I tend to block bad memories because as you know, I choose to shove my feelings deep down instead of talking about them.
But with everything that was going on, you were always by my side. It felt like you could hear the inner me cry for help and you were there to calm her down.
At the worst of my times you didn’t give me sympathy, you treated me normally.
It seemed like you could see past everything that was happening, the monster I was becoming. I was still the same to you and today if I have my sanity intact it’s because of you.

You’re my personal cheerleader!

 

When I took an unexpected hiatus from the internet and disappeared on you for more than a year, I really thought that it was the end. That things would not go back to how they were.
A part of me believed I had lost you forever.
Why?
Because I felt that me not being around to make you remember I exist would mean that eventually you’d forget. The devil that is my brain made me believe that perhaps you talked to me because I’d make you. That now you probably were thinking, “good riddance” and thanked your stars for me taking a sudden exit from your life.
You probably didn’t want anything to do with me anymore, and that feeling ate me up so much….

When I made my re-appearance, I was firm in my thoughts.
But boy oh boy did things turn from there.

You cursed at me for disappearing on you like that and thought I was dead.
I still laugh at this 😂

To see someone that affected by what I had done made not just my day but my life. I know you still hate that I did it to you but if I am being honest, I’m glad I did it. It is only because of that incident did I realize that even if I was a random message that popped on your screen rather than an actual human popping around you in reality, I meant something to you.

Yup, I am that selfish. I am talking about myself when this is supposed to be a post about you.
Like I care….

And it has only been up from there!!

As time passed you became an integral part of my life. I still don’t know how you managed to do that. You always complain about how high I have built the walls around me but somehow you managed to make a you-sized hole in one of them.

You and I, we have nothing in common. We are poles apart. You are so emotional and me, the complete opposite.
But I guess, that’s the beauty of our friendship. Two people with zero common ground being this close is not something anyone can imagine.
At least I didn’t.

Not being around for five years takes a toll on you though. My friends here say how amazing it is that despite the different time zones I still am this close to you. Little do they know that it might look beautiful from the outside, but deep down it eats you up.
It eats me up.

There are times when I feel like I need a shoulder to cry on. Times when I just want to hug you as you go through some of the most unimaginable situations in life.
Not being able to just sit next to you and tell you that everything will be alright is a fact that I learned to live with.
It isn’t a fact that I wanted to learn to live with.

I’m not a people person, you know that. My issues with human beings have been present ever since I can remember.
My entire life I have felt like a doormat. People came, people went.
But you stayed.

I have had this fear ever since a kid, of people leaving me. I don’t know from where it stems but it has always been there.
I think I was ten years old when this fear set in.
All I did was not let people in because I always felt that one fine day they’ll leave.
But you never left.

Even after seeing the absolute mess that I am – the weird little girl with problems bigger than her height and a personality that half the world doesn’t like – you decided to stay.

Three – four years ago I stopped attaching myself to people. Probably why disappearing came easy to me. I was convinced that the fear residing in me is true and I was better off without any people in my life.
What magic did you do to change my mind, woman?

Recent events that have happened triggered the fear I finally had gotten rid of. But it’s because of people like you, I know that even though the fear of people leaving me is present, I need to give people a chance because not everyone will.
And that’s why you’re important to me. You, without even realizing it changed so many views of mine about life and about people.

You restored my faith in humanity. If today I believe in people – it’s because you taught me to.

We think alike once in a blue moon and the only common thing between us is probably our extreme hatred for watermelon, yet we ended up building a friendship so strong that all the adjectives in the English language aren’t enough to describe it.

Your friends ended up being my friends and my friends, yours. Your drama with your friends comes to me as you seek solutions and my whining and ranting about India and our society comes to you.
From sending screenshots of others’ messages to each other and asking, “what do I say now?” or my personal favourite, “look what they said!”, to sending voice-notes detailing the other about our day – we do it all.

For the others reading this as it’s on a public platform and have no idea what is going on, this best friend of mine is getting married and I am getting emotional.
She isn’t dying
I know that’s what you thought. Shush

So bebz, you’re getting married to the love of your life. Your story is something that I’ve read about or seen in movies.
When you told me your story I thought to myself, “um, did she just narrate a movie plot? Do these things happen in real?”

It does. You’re living proof.

You’re a fighter. You’re an inspiration.
You’re story makes me believe in love.
I don’t believe for myself, duh. But I guess I believe that there are people like you out there, the rarest of the rare, who show the world the very fact we have grown up watching on our screens – that true love exists.
A love that sees no boundary, no time and no place. A love so strong that it could fight the most painful struggles and still come out strong.

A love that gets a happy ending.

You getting married is like the end of an era. You’re so willingly giving up almost your entire life to be with the man who won your heart.
It’s not something you see on a daily basis. And I consider myself lucky to be witnessing this.
I consider myself lucky to have you in my life.

I don’t like change.
But this change is something I’m looking forward to as it is going to bring you the happiness that you oh so much deserve.
And seeing you happy is all I want.

I know you’re a materialistic person. And this is far from a gift that you’d like. I made you read even though you hate reading. It’s the most awful gift to give you, actually!
But as of now I can’t give you anything in the material form.
I hope for the time being this is enough because if I decided to tell you how I feel, it means you’re pretty darn special to me.
You’re lucky to have me in your life!

Thank you for always being there for me. I won’t be telling you all the other sappy stuff.
Because I ain’t going anywhere.

This isn’t a “bye” but a new “hello” as you step into this new chapter of your life.

I believe I have made you feel important enough. More than this you don’t deserve so now I stop.

I’ll see you in your messages after this.

Yours,
Kitty

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Dear 30 year old me

As the title of the posts suggests, today I’ll be writing a letter to the thirty-year old me. I chose to write a letter to my future self because I think about the future a lot. Like, a lot. I don’t know why though. So I thought maybe writing a letter to myself would be a good idea. It could also be a silly idea too. Argh, you decide.

And now brace yourselves. Here comes the letter.

~~x~~

Dear future me,

How are you? Are you good? Wait, why am I asking you questions when I know I can’t know the answers? Silly me. Now answer these questions, and the questions that will follow in your mind. Or just send me another letter in reply to this via time travel. Time travel must have been invented by now right?

You might remember yourself typing this letter as you have a great memory. Wait, your memory is still great right? Don’t tell me your memory power has reduced. Back to the point, you might not remember what was happening while you wrote this letter so let me remind you. I’m mocking the advertisements that are on the television right now. Also, I’m still depressed about the fact that Justin Timberlake is going to have a concert in Abu Dhabi even though its been nearly two weeks to the news. Currently there is no news about him ever coming here for a concert. I don’t even expect him to come here. When I was in U.A.E. , he never came. 😦 Please tell me by now you have gone to his concert. Or any concert of your favourite artists. Have you at least gone to one concert? I hope the answer is yes. If you haven’t yet then um, GO TO A FREAKIN’ CONCERT ALREADY! WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR?! Okay don’t be upset, this was just the inner fangirl screaming. Just, try and go to a concert okay?

I hope this random picture I copied from Google Images motivates you to go to a concert.
If you have been to a concert, then I hope you’ve had the time of your life like these strangers seem to be having so.

Now you may not remember why I decided to post this letter on my blog rather than write an actual letter with my pen. The thing is, if I am to actually write a letter then where will keep it? And moreover, how can I assure myself that I won’t misplace it in the next 13 years so that when you do turn 30 you are able to read it? So that’s why I decided to post it online, because the internet is forever and I know that you will come to this blog even if you aren’t blogging because you’d like to remember what kind of a teenager you were. The kind of teenager who is actually very pessimistic but from the past two days is feeling very optimistic for some unknown reason. It’s a refreshing change I must admit, but I don’t know if this will last long. You tell me, am I an optimistic 30 year old?

So, how is life 13 years from now? Is it all that you’ve expected it to be or nothing at all? Maybe somewhere in the middle? I hope while you’re reading this, you’ve achieved want all I want to in the future. What I want right now is to study a lot. I want a really good job and give back to my family. Make them proud and make sure that they don’t need to do anything anymore for me. It’s time for me to repay them back for all their efforts. You might remember all the trouble and problems your family had to face while you were me. So I’m hoping that in the future, I’m able to make everything all right.
But remember this. Don’t beat yourself up if you weren’t able to get into a big college, or if you aren’t working in a huge company. If you may recollect, I don’t have a dream college or a dream job. Which ever college I get into, or whatever company I work for doesn’t matter. I’m going to work hard wherever I am. Have you done that? If you have then you have nothing to worry about. Are the people around you happy? Are you able to give back to mom and dad? If the answer is yes, then you are living the future that I want.

By the way, please don’t tell me you’re married. If by some freak of nature you are married then I hope it is after what all you wanted to achieve career and life wise. Now I’m going to ask you a few questions. (If you aren’t married then feel free to ignore these.)
Did you seriously find a guy worthy enough to marry? Did you actually find a man who ticks all the check boxes on my list? Did this person really agree to tolerate you for an entire lifetime? Is this the man that I see in my dreams? Did my series of dreams come true? If the answer is yes to all of these questions then I’d like you to pinch yourself around a hundred times because this is too good to be true. I’m shocked at this thought itself!!!

The main aim of this letter I guess was to make you realize what actually makes you happy. As much as boxes of chocolates make your day, actual happiness is what I mentioned above. Why am I telling you what really makes you happy? Because I know you’ll whine about every small little thing that you don’t have. (If you have stopped whining, then I applaud you for this change!) As I said, I’m feeling very optimistic and I am giving all sorts of advises to everyone. So this letter is sort of me taking advantage of my streak of optimism and advising  YOU. Because you may need it.

I’m going away now as I should stop now. I hope this letter helped you in some sort of way.

Bye bye,
The 17 year old Keerthi

P.S. Is my brother still good for nothing? If yes then I suggest you to break his PlayStation 20 or any other gaming console he owns. This should teach him lesson. Do make sure you have your own gaming console before you break it. Because you’ll have to suffer as well. Now why would you do that to yourself?

~~x~~

I know that this letter was really, very long and I’m extremely sorry for this. I apologize from the bottom of my heart. *hangs head down in shame*

Now that you have reached the end, I would like to ask you something. Have you ever written a letter to either your elder or younger self? Have you ever thought of it at least?

When questions about marriage are asked to a teenager…

Belonging to an Indian family, marriage is a huge thing for us. Especially for us girls. I really don’t understand why it is so, but I have no other option than to live with it. So all this really doesn’t bother me. Do what you want, talk what you want. As long as it doesn’t involve me, I’m cool. This attitude of mine seemed to help me escape wedding talks of my cousins, but it din’t when it came to um. me? I know what you’re thinking. A teenager and marriage? How’s that possible? Well obviously I’m not getting married! I’m not even legal. But that doesn’t let me escape!

Now that I’m in India and in the close vicinity of relatives, they talk about weddings. And when they see me, they start having speculations of how MY wedding is gonna be, and whom will I marry! Well obviously they don’t just jump on the topic, where’s the sense in that? It normally starts when they talk about my future. The talk starts very subtly with the first question being, “What profession do you aim to go for?” And after 5 – 10 minutes of talking I won’t even realize how they ended up talking about my wedding day!!

Now these ‘serious’ talks only last till those relatives are at home. But that is not the only ‘marriage talk’ that exists you see? You constantly get teased about it by your parents, especially your mom. To help you understand better, I will now provide some examples.

“You don’t even know how to cook till now! I’m telling you, no one will want to marry you when you grow up. No one!” – How is cooking and marriage related is something I find very difficult to comprehend. And cooking isn’t rocket science! We are just teenagers right now. Its not like we are gonna marry tomorrow!!

“You can’t even clean your own room? What will you do when you get married and will have to clean the entire house? Do you really want to leave a bad first impression on your in-laws?” – Um, haven’t you heard of house servants? I think they will be of great help. And I really don’t think the first thing my in-laws are gonna tell me to do is to clean the house. I don’t think cleaning my room should be associated with my marriage. Again, I’m not getting married tomorrow!

“If you want to marry a good guy in the future, then you have to study very well for that and get excellent grades. If you want to marry a beggar, then you can continue to get these average marks.” – Our class tests also come in this. According to our mothers, we are gonna take our class test paper and show it to the world after 10 years. This an incredibly good logic. I’m surely gonna do this. I might even frame my kindergarten test papers and hang them on my wall…

If one person is incredibly close to their mother like I am, then only will the following example occur.
“Just imagine. 10-12 years from now, we won’t be talking like this. Why? Because you’ll be married to someone and off to his place! I can’t begin think how fast these 10 years will pass by. I wonder how the guy you or us choose will be.” *laughs* – This is the joking part I was talking about. This is what comes up sometimes when we sit to talk. This is why I sometimes feel like running away from the room while talking to my mom. This is when I smoothly change the topic. This is when I drift away to my room and face-palm myself.

So I think the examples have given you enough explanation of how us teenage girls are always taunted about marriage. Thank the Lords that my mom isn’t so strict and not so serious about marriage and because of that I haven’t heard the first 3 examples in my house. Only the last one! 😀 But I pity my fellow friends who go through this on a regular basis.

So to all the great family relatives, the mothers and also the siblings who do this, kindly stop. We aren’t getting married tomorrow. When we are getting married, you can talk your heart out then. Stop assuming what we are going to do after 10 – 12 years. If we don’t get married even after 10 years (that’s my plan) then what will you do? Would you really like to be a matter of joke to us?