Who am I to you?
Just another human walking the surface of the planet
That you happened to cross
And now regret?

Who am I to you?
Just another contact on your phone
The one you’ll remember
Only when you need something?

Who am I to you?
Just one of your many friends
In whom you’re slowly losing interest
Making you re-think your past decisions
But it’s too late today
So you’re just keeping up for old time’s sake?

Who am I to you?
Just another person you know
Whose company you don’t really enjoy
But in a place like this
Only a few seem tolerable
And somehow I fall in this category
So you decide to just pretend?

Who am I to you?
Just another girl who you find annoying
Whom you didn’t find such in the start
But then got onto your nerves
Therefore planning to get rid of?

Who am I to you?
Just another over-thinker and ranter
Who probably told you all the thoughts that swam in her head
Which you didn’t expect when you met her
Because she seemed calm and composed
And on learning the opposite
Makes you wonder how wrong your judgment was?

Who am I to you?
Just another woman with strong opinions
That tries to raise her voice on the matters around her
Because she can’t keep her mouth shut
When it comes to things she feels strongly
Someone you’d like to belittle?

Who am I to you?
Just another acquaintance
Who speaks about her mental health
Which you believe is crazy
As you were brought up in a society
Where issues like this is are looked down upon
Which makes you believe it isn’t anything real
And it’s just all in the head
So you’re going to discard the struggles
The struggles of functioning like a normal person
All because it doesn’t fit your idea of an ‘ideal human’?

Who am I to you?
Just another idiot
Who says “Thank You” and “Sorry” more than required
And almost cries when someone shows the least bit of interest in her
Because little things matter way too much to her
Which you find weird
Because we live in a day and age
Where one only chases the big things in life?

Who am I to you?
Just another soul
That you sympathize with
As you know about some of the skeletons in the closet
And maybe relate to on some level
So you just continue to endure me
Not because you actually like who I am despite everything
But in reality
All you feel is sorry?

Who am I to you?
Just another person you speak to
Once in a while
When she bugs you
Which is the only time you remember
About her existence
Because she isn’t important
For you to remember on your own?

Tell me what version of me
Is in your head
Is it one of the many I spoke of
Or one of the other possibilities
That are out there?

Because I have reached a breaking point
And I have a million questions in my head
Whose answers I need
To try and feel sane again


On Completing A Year of Blogging

I was simply surfing the internet to kill time when I thought that maybe I should check upon my blog and maybe read a few posts. When I logged in I was surprised to see that orange color on my header. I was even more shocked to see what followed after I clicked it.

 My blog is now one year old. I completed a year of blogging!!

I am shocked because when I started, I din’t expect to stay on here even for four months, let alone a year. To see now that it’s been a whole, solid year and I still am blogging makes me really, really happy.

I created this blog out of plain curiosity and to just try out something new. The curious part is definitely ingrained in me but trying something new is definitely not me. I don’t like doing things out of comfort zone and taking risks of sorts. When I thought of doing this, I had surprised myself because I never thought I’d put myself through this.
I know this sounds like I’m going to the jungle and have now decided to spend my life with the lion and it’s family at it’s home, but I felt like that I guess? I don’t know what I’m saying. Help maybe required…

A friend of mine had mentioned her blog and while reading it I felt that maybe I should create one too. The thought exited as quickly as it entered my brain. I din’t feel like it’s something I should do, something I’d enjoy. She told me to just give it a go and see what happens and behold, here I am.
I spent like a month deciding what name I should use and I was still deciding whether creating a blog is a good idea or not, that’s how much I think. One day I just said to myself, “This is getting crazy. I’ll just do this now. Like, right now” and went to create this blog. Little did I know that I’d have so much fun!

A year on this blog enabled me to read stories of some amazing people from different parts of the world. Being a part of it all is something really nice. I found people who share some of the same interests as me, some people who are somewhat like me. I learnt that there are people like me who are socially awkward and/or have anxiety – that I’m not alone. If today I feel better it’s because I know that this isn’t something I’m struggling with on my own, that I have people who understand me. This fact is something I find very comforting.

Maybe that’s why they say that the internet is a wonderful place. A year ago I wouldn’t have believed that but now I’m going to nod my head in agreement. The internet is a brilliant place isn’t it?

As for what happened in this one year in the real world? Well nothing great. Except the fact that I traveled the world and jumped off of a cliff and dove into a sea.
Did I make it obvious that I’m lying?
Nothing really changed in this one year in the real world for me. Things are definitely much better than they were but other than I have absolutely nothing. I did get absorbed into the world of internet. Does that count?

I’ve seen people upload their statistics when they have completed a number of years on their blog but I’m not going to do that because it’s really embarrassing…

I’ve made some friends along the way and that is something I din’t expect. Thank you for all the wonderful feedback I’ve gotten and for all the support you’ve given me. It’s all been proven to be very encouraging.

All in all, I’ve had a lot of fun and I look forward to have a lot more fun now!

Types of people you come across in train rides

To travel from one state to another, here people normally use trains rather than airplanes as it is much cheaper. And since we travel to far off distances, we spend a night in the train or maybe more. When one does spend so much time here, you are forced to be around people. And if one bears similarities to me, then they will start observing all these various people, judging them and classifying them in certain groups.
Well, I’ve just done that. So here it is!

1. The ‘I know everything’ people – These are the people who think they know how a train functions while in reality even though they travel a lot, they know nothing. Absolutely nothing. But they don’t seem to accept this fact, so they keep bugging fellow travelers with obvious facts. One such person told me, “Do you know that we will reach at 10 AM?” Everyone knows we will reach at that time, because our ticket says so. But this person was determined to show how stupid he is.

2. The party animals – These people are generally in groups and think that the entire train is their party station and now they will start partying. They’ll start playing songs out loud, talk loudly and even dance. If they play good songs then obviously no one would mind, but these songs are crappy and their dance is horrifying. And so the torture on us begins.

3. The lost one (This one is me) – Mostly these are the people who ride such kind of trains for the first time, which in turn means they don’t know anything. Everything is so new to them that they don’t know what to do. But this isn’t only the ones who go first. This could be your 50th train ride, but you still don’t know what goes where and what to do. You’re just….lost!

4. The athlete – This person can’t sit in one place and will keep jumping from one seat to another. Not the normal jump but the ‘high’ jump which means jumping over everyone’s heads. Yes, heads.  They can qualify for the Olympics if they want. But I guess they can’t because you can’t jump over people there.

Or maybe they can’t qualify because they jump like this?

5. The gadget freak – Obsession with gadgets is quite fine, but not to such a level that you need an entire seat just for it. This person carries all the gadgets known to mankind with them. Any gadget you know, they have it. They won’t sleep, because they are busy taking care of all the gadgets they have. Taking one out, using it for 10 minutes and then taking another one out of their huge bag to do the same is what they do the entire trip.

This is how they look like.
Okay, maybe I’m exaggerating. Ah well.

6. The story tellers – These are the people who have any sort of story ready with them. Do you want to hear a horror story? A love story perhaps? Maybe a story about travel? Then you know whom to go to. Any story you want. they will readily tell you. Well they’ll claim it to be a story about what you’ve asked, but it will just be about them in reality. Sorry guys.

7. The filmy kind – In Bollywood movies, most of the time a girl and a boy meet in such kind of trains and then they fall in love and all that crap. The person they meet is their ‘true love’ and then they’ll get married in the end of the movie and will live happily ever after. So here in this world, we have many people who love watching these hopeless romantic films and somehow feel that they will also meet their ‘soul mate’ in such kind of train ride. We know that this isn’t possible, but can someone explain to them that this doesn’t happen? Because every train ride of theirs is actually just an attempt to find their true love.

This is a still from a famous Bollywood movie, which started all this.

8. The ‘professional photographer’ –  Notice the single quotes in the title? Yeah well that’s because this person THINKS he is a professional photographer when in reality he doesn’t even know how to click a picture. I’m pretty sure of this because this person takes pictures of the train, the seats and tries to take a picture of the view outside but fails miserably. I even saw a person clicking a picture of a plastic wrap. What sense does taking photos of such absurd things make?

9. The lazy ass – This person will just lay down on the seat and do ……. nothing. They’ll just be lying their and in some cases be listening to music or maybe reading a book, but otherwise they’ll be idle. You will never see them walk around, or even sit up. They will just be, there. There is nothing you can do to make them get up. Nothing.

10. The over-packer – This person carries their entire house with them while travelling. Name anything and they will have it with them. A thousand toothbrushes, a map of the world, toys for babies (even if this person doesn’t even have a baby) and a guide on how to survive the apocalypse are just a few of the things they carry with them.

So there you go. This is how I classified the people I traveled with in those two rides. While some of them were fun to be around if I speak honestly, the others made my trip more uncomfortable and annoying.

Have you come across other types of people? Which one of these groups do you find yourself in?

I’m not a Wallflower, I’m Socially Awkward

So I was talking to a friend recently (actually chatting on a social networking site. Internet has taken over the world) and she asked me asked me a few things.
She’s really popular in her school, and so is clearly a very social person. She also is a bit um…. how do I say in nice words…. a little less intelligent than the average man. So she thinks every homo sapien on this planet loves socializing because she does so. She thought I also love parties which apparently everyone loves, but was surprised to learn that I hate parties and so stating that I’m not a ‘party animal’. The following conversation took place then :
Her : Why do you hate parties? Parties are so much fun!! You meet so many amazing people!
Me : Erm, I’m socially – awkward. I think you get the point now.
Her : Why did you choose to be socially – awkward? That’s no fun!

So she thinks I chose to be socially – awkward which actually isn’t true, or maybe it is. All I know is that if I am told to socialize people, I will choose the easier option to just run away from the place. Anxiety gets the best of me and well, I don’t talk to people a lot. (Friends and family not included obviously) Sometimes I wonder how do I even have friends. I think they talked to me first and then it continued because there is no way I talked first.
Sometimes I guess anxiety isn’t the main reason for my social-awkwardness. I think its because I kind of hate people (please don’t kill me, please don’t. I love the people of the blogging world. I do!!). Its just that people are so judgmental and always poking their unwanted nose in my business and it gets irritating. Also there are weird people roaming around aimlessly and it bugs me. You’ll go and talk to them thinking they are ‘nice people’ and after an hour you are stuck with them and regretting the decision of extending that hand first.

My close friends though find it a bit surprising that I’m so. I’m called the ‘glue that sticks the group together’ and ‘the most sociable person’! -blinks awkwardly- Maybe because once I’m in my comfort zone and I know I have eliminated all the weird people out of my vicinity, I will start talking and then you can’t shut me up if you point a gun at me!! I will talk about almost anything to you if you share the same enthusiasm that I have and also talk back to me.

Then the conversation between my friend and I continued. But I was shocked when she said,
“So basically you are a Wallflower right? That is so cool! OMG!! I saw Perks Of Being A Wallflower, and that was such a fantastic movie! Logan Lerman played the character of a Wallflower right? He was so awesome!! I wish I was a Wallflower as well. My life would be so awesome. Just like Charlie 😀 ”

How is that she thinks being a wallflower and being socially-awkward is the same? Its not the first time I’ve heard this though. After watching the movie most of the people around me thought this and I cannot tell you how many times some friends of mine have called me a wallflower. And today I will put a stop to this.

So you see? There is a clear difference. I might be socially-awkward and shy, but I definitely don’t go un-noticed at a party. People come towards to me, but I just shoo them away. I don’t talk to a lot of people not because no one talks to me, but actually I don’t want to talk to them because I fear of what they will think about me. I’m not proud of being a socially – awkward person, it isn’t good. But I’ve learnt to embrace it rather than run away from the obvious fact. I’m trying to mend myself because it seems this isn’t good and I get constant shoutings from my mother.

So please, don’t ever get the thought that these two terms are the same. Its kind of weird if you think so. And I’m pretty sure you are not the bad type of weird.

P.S. I have nothing against the movie or the book. I absolutely loved the movie. Infact I still do 😀